I Am Losing now....

I long to cut myself to divert the pain from my soul.My heart is broken and my spirit crushed.The idea of death is bliss.The Lord to me is like bitter water,And a deserter in my time of need.I turn to Him, yet feel mocked.Acid eats my soul away,My heart bleeds from stabbing after merciless stabbing.My heart has no shield.I am hunched over from the great weight of burden upon me.I claim the Lord’s promises, only to be disappointedOne callous time after another.For the first time since I’ve know Him,Profanity pours out of my mouth.I feel my heart hardening,Yet this time I’m too hurt to let it stop.My face pales as the life drains away in the strain.I nearly faint out of weariness;My flesh can’t take the punishment of my soul.If my flesh were beaten to a pulp,It wouldn’t compare to the ghastliness of this.I look at my eyes in the mirror and see a frightened animal.I can brush my hair, but I can’t hide the despair,Torment, agony, and anguish in my eyes.I call from my heart of hearts, “Papa!”Yet the pain remains, the stabbing continues.I don’t want pity from those around me; I want compassion.The Lord feels cold and indifferent to my yelps.Shrieks come from my mouth as the tears fall.I hit my heart to urge the pain to stop.I fall on my knees at the mercy of One who seems merciless.
Oh that my broken spirit would be healed!My heart hardens against the Lord.Involuntary bitterness bites my soul like a viper.Such emptiness and loneliness makes me want to cry out in despair;Yet I know it will do no good.The Lord’s Almighty power becomes a weapon of the enemy against my mind;He has the power to heal, and yet does not.I desire what is not possible. I desire not to live, yet death holds no allure.I wish the spiritual realm would not exist, yet I do not want to live in the physical.Demons encircle me so that the Lord cannot be seen for who He is.Resentment begins to fester in a mire of self-pity.The tormenting whispers hasten “Curse Him! Curse Him! Curse Him!”Deception seems as truth; the Word seems false.Disappointments, weaknesses, and fears hound my senses.The enemy has stolen peace and joy;Now the unspeakable seemingly happens:Hope itself is quashed in heart-wrenching agony.Desire for the Lord is cut off; future ministry holds no appeal.My manipulated heart embraces dark deception:‘It’s not worth it!’ it cries.I groan under a burden that crushes my being.I try giving my yoke to the Lord, but it is seemingly refused.As my soul receives crushing blow after crushing blow,I murmur ‘I give in.’

Family...The Need Of Today's Youth.

I was amazed to learn how can someone get so influenced by a movie to write a blog. Though I couldn't manage to watch the movie abut after reading the book
" NAMESAKE ," this is what I felt.........

The single most precious obsession in life for all of us is to be loved. We have an emotional confidence when we know that we're part of something special and that what we do matters. Family bonding gives us that strength and charisma, with an appreciation for life and hope to go on.
One of the common tragedies that hurts many families today is that they are being separated and torn apart. There is a loss of value and strong family bonding as they become only people living under the same roof. And who suffers the most? The children.
When family members bond they keep their identity as a family unit among the world of families, as people who will support each other through everything. The members retain their confidence that even though the world around them can be aggressive and cruel, they are safe because they have each other.
They may not have an abundance of earthly wares, but there is a love within their home that rises far above the need for material things. It's forever; it does not rust or warp or fade. It's a foundation that each life can depend on.
When parents separate, they often neglect the damage that it does to the innocent children. The separation forces them to lose the only thing they had, craved for and survived with, and that was the bond of love between all of them.
Parents need to recognize this and work hard at keeping a close relationship with the children. They need to put aside their own desires and focus on the needs and desires of the children until they are emotionally and mentally strong enough to know without a doubt that there is love between them and each of their parents.
Often, children will cling to each other and become each other's support for life. This bonding between them will make them strong and able to cope with other obstacles up ahead.
Many people have never suffered with this curse and have enjoyed the natural bonding or love that holds the family unit together. This is priceless and their lives will be testimony to its benefits.
Bonding is a love that lasts forever, and regardless of what comes against us, we know that we have someone who will support us and love us through it. It's the one staple of life that helps to mould us into healthy and productive adults.
And we might not win the Nobel Prize but we can stand tall and say, I am Loved.

KEY TO MY HEART

I had closed the door upon my heart and wouldn't let anyone in, I trusted and loved only to be hurt. But that would never happen again.I had locked the door and tossed the keyAs hard, and as far as I could,Love would never enter there again,My heart was closed for good.Then you came into my lifeAnd made me change my mind,Just when I thought that tiny keywas impossible to find.That's when you held out your handAnd proved to me I was wrong,Inside your palm was the key to my heart...You had it all along

You Make Me Believe

What Is There,To Believe In During Life,Nothing Lasts,Aside From Strife,Life May Perish,Life May End,Our Soul We May Give,Our Soul We May Spend,But Our Love,That Eternal Flame,Will Never Dim,Will Never Change,It Will Forever Last,When All Other Lights Leave,For You Light My Life,You Make Me Believe.

I don't know what I am feeling. Its been a long fight. I am on verge of giving up totally and surrender to death completely. Pray for me that if am reborn people should KNOW me.
This life has been a curse....am tired pretending to be happy and content. can't take it now.....
You Don't Know Me Some of you pretend to know me...some of you don't care to…close family, Friends. love or anyone...Hate me Or Kill me....You Don't Know Me.........
Deep Inside.
When I smile deep inside I wanna frown when I laugh deep inside I wanna cry when you look into my eyes You think every thing is alright But deep inside I wanna die maybe one day I won’t feel like this till then I’ll be happy in the outside and crying in the inside Deep Inside.

If I Could Erase It All

If I could take back Everything I said,I’d do it in a heart beat. Retracting every single thread. If I could erase the words. And place them where they belong. My eraser would then dissipate as I feverishly erase the wrong. If I could turn back the clock and reluctantly go back into time I would think about the consequences Of writing a hurtful rhyme, but reversing time isn’t an option. So I’m searching for another mode to be able to say to you “I’m sorry” I give you this single pleading ode.

My Nightmare..

I wake up during the night, In cold sweats and tears.I had another dream of you, I wish you were here.It has been a while since we spoke. I know that if you were here with me,Things would be so much better.I know that you are always there for me,But things just are not the same.Do not forget that I love and miss you,And please never forget my name.When you are not around me,I feel your presence anyway.Remember I am always here for you,Whether dark of night or light of day.Things are so much different now,We do not speak to each other everyday. Things have to change , And I thnk am going away. Though it is so easy to pick up the phone and give you a call before I die. I fear to do so. May be I annoy you even more . Now I have learned that I should cherish every second I spend with you.Though it is hard for me but I am scared now.