BROKEN

Sometimes lifes just seems to break me down, People hurt me, do not care and mess around with my emotions. My heart constantly feels heavy, body has no energy, tears well up, But i hide them from everyone.
No one knows what is wrong. Depression subdues in my monotonous life. My day to day living becomes a strife, i hate the person who the mirror reflects. I want to strive i want to just be, More then i have become now. I want to break from this somehow, But on and on deeper i go, No one to save me from feeling so low. Just can;t figure out what to do????????????

An Eternal Relation.......

My Most Preious Gift is ACHIKOO BACHIKOO KACHIKOO....

Well,,what do i say about HIM ? He’s charm personified,like they say he brings me sunshine even on a dark cloudy day. Owe a lot 2 him,when i first spoke to him i didnt know we would come soo close one day..am soo glad i have a friend like him ..with him i forget all my worries and he just takes it all away sumhow..hes been there for me whenever ive needed him and i wish him all the best always..He is lifes best gift 2 me . He’s SPECIAL,in the very true sense of the word,, hes pulled me through the worst phases of my life, hes tolerated my mood swings and stood by me always, hes lifes best gift to everyone he lays his hand on...trust im with my eyes closed and trust me from someone like me its the perfect reward coz i dont usually trust a lot of people...When i talk about him my face smiles unknowingly hes the kindaa guy who would bring life in a graveyard as well with his infectious laughter.those eyes that twinkle like the bright blue sky,the most adorable virtue he possesses is that even when life socks at his face he doesnt whine or pin a blame on sum1 else,simply dusts himself off it and makes a practical decision ..i feel it takes quite a bone to do that with soo much elegance,hes determined and usually wont back off till he sees a steamroller headed towards him,this man spurns at the very show of sentiment and people who have seen a glimpse of the real him would know that he would otherwise blush when no1's looking n then furiously curse himself for doing so and pretend to compose himself like nothing happened..Beneath all his hardness is a man whos as gentle,caring and his sense of humur is sensational, his lifestyle is phenomenal..his enthusiasm would make even a dead man wanna live life again and am soo glad that I ve known him and i dont know if we stay friends forever or if life is kind enough to keep us together he would always be very close to my heart and i wish him a life of love,luck and happiness always. He’s Very precious…….I affectionately address him as MUAH BABY.

A Mask........

I sit with a mask of make believe smiles upon my face to hide the pain that fills my heart. How can she be so mean to someone she gave birth to? Why have a child to hurt and abuse rather than love and care for? How can she be so heartless and cold to a child that is under spoken. I keep my thoughts and feelings inside to make it seem like I'm full of life only to regret so much that I have denied. She sacrificed for years she says, but to her, sacrifice means giving up booze that eases her temper, to keep from bashing me with the hatred she really feels. The mask I will release, and the joy to my life will soon be, so to that I say to the mother I do hate, I am beautiful, strong, smart, and gifted. You can not take away the pain from you and release it to me. This under spoken child has learned to change the bad from you and speak the good in me.

Will there be a Brighter Day Ahead ?????

I'm sitting here Sad and all alone, Crying lonely black tears, No one around to help me,. No one, not that I can I see.. Just leave me be To cry my lonely black tears ...Don't try to help... Your just too late ...I can't escape My lonely black tears.. After all these years..I'm still sitting here Crying my lonely black tears. One day maybe They'll stop flowing..The tears will quit growing Deep inside And I will cry no more Lonely Black Tears .
Memories ...The voice that's been silent all these years thinks deep thoughts but,I thought I destroyed every memory we had.They were lost long ago,but they're all coming back.The endless crying buried deep within me,you never heard. Don't want it to again, please,don't do it again, you hurt me ,You left me ,ripped, tore, and stripped my heart apart.The memories keep holding on,they are oh so strong,and for the darkest nights I rest. Can't these go away forever???
I pray for a brighter day.

Don't know when will i LEARN.....

WHY AM I FEARFUL ?????
I TOO WANNA LIVE .....
I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.
I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try.
I feared success until I realized that I had to tryin order to be happy with myself.
I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life until I experienced its beauty.
I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny,until I realized thatI had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw that itwas nothing more thanignorance.
I feared love until it touched my heart,making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.
I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized thatI gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change,until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

BE A FIGHTER...YOU ARE STRONG.

HE MADE ME REALIZE..
During the darkest hours of the night,we see the beaut yof the stars. Let the good things in life, give you the strength to get through these rough times.
Good things come through times of sorrow.Love is shared.Bonds are strengthened.Commitment is renewed.Faith is restored
We can't win all the time;the odds are simply against it.But the good news is that we win some of the time.And if you think about it,that's what really matters.
When you're in pain, and it seems like no one understands; when it has gotten exhausting to even talk about the way you're suffering, remember someone is there thinking about you and is concerned. Others may turn their back on you,but he never will. You need explain nothing to Him. He knows how you suffer, and He can see what's in your heart.L ean on Him. Put your faith in Him. He promised that He would never for sake you,and you can depend on Him.
This person has given me all his support and strength through the roughest times offlate.
You have made me rich by giving me the gift of hope, by being there when I needed a friend, and by giving me a shove in the right direction when I hesitated. Thanks for bringing happiness to a heart full of woe, and for all the wonderful things you do. I found a true friend, when I found you.
He made me belief that....
No matter what happens, No matter what you do, I hope that you will stay the same.I hope you'll always be you. God made you special, No one can take that away. So when the problems call and the darkness falls, Never forget that someone cares about you.Never forget your dreams;They aren't as far away,As you might think they seem.Let nothing get you down,And when the times get rough. Simply smile like a circus clown.
Thanks a ton my friend.......

Why This Stigma ?

No one asks to be sexually assaulted.

RAPE.... What does it mean to you? just a forced intercourse. NO, its bigger than that.
Rape...a four letter word which we read, hear and come across each day in our daily life but do we ever give it a thought what stigma the victim goes through. No, it means RIPPING APART PERSONAL EMOTIONS.
The victims self esteem sinks, everything goes dead, tears keep flowing, she is ashamed to show her scars to someone she really likes, she goes numb forever, isolate herself, is disgusted, calls herself dirty and filth, a battle to hold yourself is never won, hope lost and madness begins. Its a total damage of psyche. The victim hates herself for being hit, tied, held, forced, spanked by someone more stronger ( physically) than her, rages in inexpressible anger, wants to fight but is helpless of the humiliation....it is an experience of violation, degradation, and humiliation. A feeling of numness, detachment or "unrealness" about everything. A lack of emotion or inability to feel love or care about anything.A feeling of depression and isolation. A change in sleep patterns. More often or not the ability to sleep or stay asleep for any length of time. A lack of concentration. Avoidance of being touched, and shying away from loved ones. Sudden movements may startle. A lack of trust in anyone, even close family or partners. More irritable than usual. Outbursts of anger and crying. Mood swings. A feeling of low self esteem and confidence. A feeling of being dirty, or disgusting. Deep embarrassment or shame. Sometimes self blame for events. Bitterness and morbid hatred of the perpetrator, with a preoccupation of how to harm or humiliate them.

Is it right to make someone go through this ordeal??

Rage and anger are rampant in my heart.

Loneliness

We know loneliness, don't we, the fear, the misery, the antagonism, the real fright of a mind that is aware of its own loneliness. We all know that. You may have all riches,pleasures, great capacity and bliss but within there is clways the lurking shadow of loneliness.
When the mind is aware of its loneliness, it runs away, escapes. The escape, whether into religious contemplation. sex, cinema or drowning ureself in work; it is an escape. When we observe the fact that we are lonely we isolate...loneliness is isolation because the mind cuts itself from every relationship and everything. Is it worth cutting everyhting???????

IWanna unmask a part of me...

It is not enough to have a job and to be a volunteer
...there needs to be something else...there has to be...what can it be?Maybe everyone passes through this stage...and I have always been a thinker and I am still thinking...but what can it be?I know I can put on a mask or hide by being busy, but maybe I don't want to...yes...I don't want to because I want to go to the core of the issue and know why I feel this way.This led to me think that will I ever be satisfied in a such a monotonous life. I see my parents...what does their life consist of? Going to work, coming back, cooking or doing some house chores and then sleeping and the cycle is repetitive with the exception of weekends where they will socialize but then again...mostly with the same people.I don't know what I want.

Stored anger is a problem

The storing up of anger, which is resentment, requires the antidote of forgiveness; but the storing up of anger is far more significant than forgiveness. Forgiveness is unnecessary when there is no accumulation of anger. Forgiveness is essential if there is resentment; but to be free from flattery and from the sense of injury, without the hardness of interference, makes for mercy, charity. Anger cannot be got rid of by the action of will, for will is part of violence. Will is the outcome of desire, the craving to be; and desire in its very nature is aggressive, dominant. To supress anger by the exertion of will is to transfer anger to a different level, giving it a a different name; but it is still part of violence. To be free from violence, which is not the cultivation of non-violence, there must be the understanding of desire.