No one asks to be sexually assaulted.
RAPE.... What does it mean to you? just a forced intercourse. NO, its bigger than that.
Rape...a four letter word which we read, hear and come across each day in our daily life but do we ever give it a thought what stigma the victim goes through. No, it means RIPPING APART PERSONAL EMOTIONS.
The victims self esteem sinks, everything goes dead, tears keep flowing, she is ashamed to show her scars to someone she really likes, she goes numb forever, isolate herself, is disgusted, calls herself dirty and filth, a battle to hold yourself is never won, hope lost and madness begins. Its a total damage of psyche. The victim hates herself for being hit, tied, held, forced, spanked by someone more stronger ( physically) than her, rages in inexpressible anger, wants to fight but is helpless of the humiliation....it is an experience of violation, degradation, and humiliation. A feeling of numness, detachment or "unrealness" about everything. A lack of emotion or inability to feel love or care about anything.A feeling of depression and isolation. A change in sleep patterns. More often or not the ability to sleep or stay asleep for any length of time. A lack of concentration. Avoidance of being touched, and shying away from loved ones. Sudden movements may startle. A lack of trust in anyone, even close family or partners. More irritable than usual. Outbursts of anger and crying. Mood swings. A feeling of low self esteem and confidence. A feeling of being dirty, or disgusting. Deep embarrassment or shame. Sometimes self blame for events. Bitterness and morbid hatred of the perpetrator, with a preoccupation of how to harm or humiliate them.
Is it right to make someone go through this ordeal??
Rage and anger are rampant in my heart.
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Hi InnerSelf
Though there is no way I can feel what you are feeling right now but it does come across fiercely in your post. I can’t think of anything that I can say which can soothe you but what I do suggest you to be strong… emotionally I mean. While physical scars are easier to heal the psychological ones are tougher to repair. Try not to push the loved ones away because they are the ones who will help you get through this.
What has been done can’t be undone but how we deal with the situation makes all the difference. There are people in this world who still adore you and care about you. I know it is easier said than done but we need to start doing first to get it done in the end.
Take care of yourself … everything might seem lost now but I am sure there are beautiful moments still in life which awaits you
Your Truly
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